How can I be so fucking stupid to be fed with the same lies over and fucking over again? Wow, I must be reeeeeeally dumb. Just, wow. I am totally speechless. I'm just really a fucking living joke. Just a toy, aren't I?

I should help myself by not talking to you... right?

Sometimes I feel as tho I couldn't do it. I'm sorry.

I don't ever want to love again. I never felt as hurtful as this. I don't wish to experience this anymore. I can't... I can't live with it...

I wished you'll fight for me when the time comes.

I'm only being sensitive to a reasonable amount, aren't I? Am I ever once, overboard? Stepping over my boundaries? Have I? No. At the very least, not while we're together. You're like a bird. You crave to fly. One person is never really enough for you. Good luck.

I can't accept it. This might be the last time.

Of course, how can I not see it?
All along, I've been fighting for you. Irregardless of what I may have said, in the fucking end I still couldn't leave you. I left my soul in you, and it's stuck there. You might've moved on but I haven't. I can't, I'm fucking rooted to your soul. Once again, you left me. Once again, promises broken. Once again, we're all over. & I'm fighting for you, once again. But how? How could I bring myself to trust again when it's broken over & over?
I don't know if I can bring myself to believe in anything anymore. It's fucking broken, like a toy. I can't be fixed.
It's all the same excuses as back then, this time you've done it a little more brilliantly.

I should have known, I should have. It's just like what it was back then. It's just like that. Apocalyptic thoughts. All this self-loathing and self-pitying I had back then is how what I'm feeling now.
I should have seen it. It's all empty (yet again) words. It might felt real but actually, it really isn't, is it? Your words, thoughts, stung me like a fucking needle. Sliced me up, bombard my heart with cannons and those canyons couldn't hold. Promise me you'll be better, then maybe I will too.

Now, what am I supposed to do with an empty vessel with no soul?

开心就好..

It will if you want it to

I'm shutting it off for a while.

I know I'm not as important anymore. Somehow it felt like.. it's really.. gone. I feel so empty. I feel like dying. I feel so much because I can't have you. You're not mine anymore....

See la, told you my wish then the next few weeks the magic disappears.....

I need you. I'm not saying this just because. I know, times are hard, but it's more the reason why I shouldn't and why I wouldn't give up on you. I'll fight, I'll keep fighting for you. You're mine, at least in my heart... After all, you're the only person that can make my smile genuine. What relationships are without real struggle? You're my, only sunshine. I love you.

I realized, okay? You're worth my tears and pain, you're worth every shit that I have. I'll sacrifice anything and everything for you. I'll fight for your smiles.

Am I still... yours? I don't know. My mind's fighting. I feel so heartbroken.

Early morning and my day is already ruined with my thinkings. I'm tired man. Why are we even being like this? We're not even arguing over anything, we're not even quarreling. What is even going on?

I'm sorry. You just couldn't leave my mind. Even when I'm eating, gyming, at work, bathing, listening to music, texting others, even I'm having buffet and even when I'm drinking. I just couldn't distract myself away enough. You've invaded my heart in a very deep manner.

For now, I'm just going to face my pain. I wanna be brave enough. I want to take this pain and turn it into something good with you, if you're willing to. It hurts, but it doesn't mean I have to give up. If every time I gave it up just because it hurts then what's the fucking point of being in a relationship? What's the point of making promises just to break it? I'm suppose to overcome anything and everything with you. I want to.
We just couldn't sit down and solve a single shit, can't we?

I don't know which relationship doesn't hurts.

"Player 2 will always be together with Player 1." I wish for that to be true, I'm just simply hoping. "I hope you won't be able to tie other's shoelaces (except for your families and may our future princes and princesses)" har? Words like this makes me feel like I could really marry you, so stop giving me the wrong idea that we can really work it out till we're old.

Who knows that our lovebyte still exists? I'm just merely cleaning up the dust and cobwebs while simply adding more stuffs into it. WHO knew that that was my only space where no one can see/know what I'm truly ranting without grabbing my phone and actually seeing it? Well..
I'm so heavy-hearted. Please show me the love that I'd shown you.






Day 751.

In fact, I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. But I have to brace myself no matter what, to show you that smile I'd always put on. That silly smile of yours, I guess I could never see it again. It's okay. It's alright. It's not alright,  it's not alright at all, willy.

Games resumes. I guess I ran out of credits again..

头好疼。心根痛。

Do you really, really wanna do this all over again?

From the start, I don't even know what's wrong with you. You just came and tell me that you're uncertain about us, so uncertain. Telling me you want to experience being with other people. Tell me, is that why you're acting like this, now?

I'm trying to help us, but it can't work out unless you're willing to... are you...?

I felt like I was the only one trying too hard. Yeah, way too hard. Hahaha. Man, whatever. The time would come soon.

I'm lost. I got lost today. I got lost in your words. The more I think about yout words, the more I think about it. I'm probably not in my greatest mood ever, I can't even think and do things rationally. I flared at you, I was being an ass. I said hurtful stuff, but trust me. I don't mean it..
.

"I haven't laugh so genuine in such a long time." Is it not when you're with me? I'm sorry that I couldn't make you. Sorry.

华语字

如果有人让你要做个选择的话, 那就算了吧.

Hold on.

I'm trying to hold myself together, this just all feels like when I'm in camp. ...
Although I don't know what made you uncertain or what you're uncertain about us, it might be all the while, it might be just be recently, it might just be your pms, maybe I'm just right there at the right time, maybe you're just tired of being tied down with another person, maybe you feel unworthy, maybe this, maybe that. There's just too much maybes to think about, and all I can do is to sit down, hold through the tide with your unsteadiness. Hey, I'm not complaining, this feels real, at least we're arguing from time to time, at least it made me feel someone actually care enough to even take their time to argue/quarrel with me. This may be just an episode in our life, in your life, in my life. I'm not saying I don't feel love from you, I'm not bullshitting about anything else. It's just.. maybe's too scary of a thought for me to handle.

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy anyway, having you is a really, really great bonus. A happy you is a happy me, but why, I'm suppose to be happy, but why am I feeling so much?

>:(

I feel so sour :( I feel as tho I'd missed out so much in life. Haven't been to prom, haven't graduate with really high scores in school. All these achievement that have yet to be achieved.  I'm just so disappointed in myself. I can't help but to feel... ..... sigh.

As always

I kept telling myself that I don't need you. It's always like this. I never thought that I would be lying to myself. Today, I was on the car going down that nostalgic path that I would always take whenever I'm on the cab. What's bad is that I would always thought of you whenever I'm near your place, the paths we always used to walk along, places we always say goodbye and we would hugged and kissed as you make your way back to your block. Places where I would wait patiently for your arrival, even though you're always late. I apologize if I'm always mean to you after we're over. I just want to get over you, and I mean desperately getting over you. I need my life back. I thought by doing whatever I'm doing now might succeed in whatever I'm trying to accomplish, but it doesn't pan out like how I thought it would be. I'm sick and tired of this. I tried my best hating you, saying bad things behind you that doesn't even makes sense. I'd tried unfollowing my heart and just bad mouthed the fuck out of you but... no. It doesn't work that way. Up until now, nobody ever knows what I'm feeling, not even myself.
How does one even get over a person? I wish, I really do, want to get over you.